We all have superpowers. Some of us can bend metal spoons with our mind. Some can lift mountains without breaking a sweat; some can drink 10 cups of coffee and still go to bed by 10 o’clock. Obviously not all powers are the same. It is the inherent cruelty of genetics that we must be this way. Natural selection – the uber-bitch of evolution – treats us all with the unbiased view of a sports fan in a local derby.
We all have powers but not all powers are equal. Some of us must hide ours. Society has not deemed us fit to display ourselves fully to world. I am sadly one of those individuals
I was 10 when I first started having the dreams. Dreams that I could fly, that I was soaring through the sky, the freezing air and the clouds wrapped around me like fog. I would see the sun shining over me as I flew through a flock of birds and they would turn their heads and stare at me in disbelief and then I would wake up and find myself hovering 6 feet over my bed.
That is when I discovered that through controlled ejections of air, I could propel myself against the gravitational force of the earth. In other words, I could use my farts to fly.
Where other people would adorn gaudily-made capes and wear their underwear atop their tights to flaunt their powers, sadly I had to hide my stinky little secret. But you may ask how I came to learn it was looked down upon. Being that my parents were fairly new age, I was never really told to be afraid of my bodily functions, so I was not immediately aware of what society thought about me. But I was to find out pretty soon.
Like with all great tragedies it started with a girl. OK, perhaps that’s a bit unfair. I don’t know that much about tragedies, barring my reading of an abridged version of Romeo and Juliet to impress this girl in the 9th grade. To be honest, I found the story to be a bit clichéd, however I liked that they died at the end. Let me rephrase that. I’m not happy they died, I’m just glad the writer was ready to throw in a twist at the end, did not see that one coming.
Anyway to the girl, she was in my class, in fact she had been in my class for the last 3 years but I only noticed her in the 9th grade. She used to wear these floral plastic hair bands. She reminded me of a gift I got on my 11th birthday. Not the gift itself – that was a toy truck – she reminded me of the wrapping. The floral patterns on her hairband reminded me of the wrapping paper, (and because I wanted to unwrap her to see what she had inside, of course not gonna say that). She had black hair and a cute button nose, not your classic beauty, but when I would see drinking from her hello kitty water bottle, it would drive me insane.
She also had her special power, she could move objects with her mind. Being young, I was foolish enough to think that I could impress her with my own power, also I thought it was something we had in common and I was desperately looking for anything in common between us.
So one day after school, she was waiting on the curb for her bus, alone. If I didn’t take this chance, I probably wasn’t going to get another one, so I approached her with all the confidence of a jittery cat stalking a vacuum. She looked back at me and I froze for a second, feet feeling leaden, but I couldn’t stop now.
“Hi,” I said, my throat parched like a desert, “My name is Brian.”
She didn’t say anything.
“So, I saw you picking up that basketball last week on the court. That was pretty cool.”
“Thanks,” she said, her eyes lingering on the road like she was willing the bus into existence. Sensing this, I used my trump card:
“You know, I can do something like that.”
Her focus shifted away from the imminently arriving bus and on to me. Sadly, it wouldn’t last for long.
“Yes, I can actually fly.”
“Really, I haven’t seen anyone do that yet.”
“Do you wanna see?”
“Of course,” she said.
“Stand back.” and clenching my rectum and with a precise expulsion I was able to lift myself.
I looked down to see a look I have never seen before nor do I wish to see again. It was a look of disgust and mirth blended together like a mango and dung cocktail. She was holding her nose and then, before I could react, she ran away laughing. There I was, red faced, flatulent and floating. I had driven her away with my stench.
Since that day, I only dreamed of flying, I was too embarrassed to do it anymore. The moment I would think about it, I would see her face looking at me like that.
“So, Stephanie, I’ve been sitting here all this time talking about myself, some blind date I’m turning out to be. By the way, you never told me your power.”
“I don’t really have one; in fact I have a disorder.”
“Disorder, oh I’m sorry to hear that, what is it?”
“I’ve never heard of that, what is that?”
“It’s a condition meaning that I can’t smell anything.”
“Really… Stephanie, have you ever flown beside a flock of birds?”
“Would you like to?”